Dirty Ghosts Spring 2k16 LA/AZ w male keyboards &  Paul Quattrone on drums! #BonAppétour #HoldTheDtour #DermzTermz #womeninrock #meninrock

Hi Fans! McDermz here! Guess what?! We bach on the road! We love blasting those B Minor cantatas whilst driving from gig to gig! Which we are currently doing right now 😀

Tuesday we flew from SFO to BUR with one of our latest additions, Corey Largent who plays male keyboards. For this southwestern stint we’ve enlisted Paul Quattrone of !!! on drums so we flew to LA for a few days of prac w him before the tour. I packed my MacGruber & Metallica (a year & a half in the life of) DVDs so you KNOW I was prepared for embarking on this hard epic road dawg 🐶 lifestyle, night after night after night after night (“tour” is 4 nights). I stopped the first practice about 30 minutes in to demand we get food (as is tradition), so we drove around the Highland Park area of the practice space in search of elusive Mexican food. We ended up at El Atacor, where HardCore (aka Corey) ordered a Super Burrito. Now super burrito means everything on it in Sam Francisco. At El Atacor it means “could you theoretically eat an entire leg?” 

A very large man decked out head to toe in Raiders™ apparel overheard Corey commenting on the absurd size of his “super burrito” and said “It’s good though! I just had one!” And then went on to recommend the super nachos, to which Corey asked “Is that a ridiculously huge plate of nachos?!” His reply was “No, it’s just a regular plate of nachos, it just has everything on it.” 😑

Shockingly Corey finished almost all of it, and the Garberator™ (Allyson remember her?) stepped in and finished it. We headed back to practice for about another half hour before I insisted we break to hit the taco truck. After tacos, and a quick run through of the songs, we went back to Paul’s joint where I inquired about the snack situation. He offered to whip up some salsa which sounded just great to us (me). While he was making it I fell deeply asleep on the couch, until Corey woke me up informing me that my midnight chips & vat of salsa were ready. After a swift inhalation, I was back asleep, prepped for another day of practice. 

Paul lives in Thai Town, so to avoid any snack interruptions at practice for meals I armed myself with 3 dishes of Thai food to cart around with me Linus/blanket style. Practice, snacking, & napping went swell, and we felt prepped for our big gig at the Satellite with Golden Daze & Eerie Wanda. We had a pile of friends come out, many of them fellow Canucks, which was great cause we all just wanted to talk about hockey anyways. Allyson cashed in her two alotted drink tickets, while Paul, Corey & I power chugged through ours and then some. Corey met a nice young lady earlier in the night and decided to make a move of engaging in conversation as she was settling her tab. Ubeknownst to HardCore, Allyson was watching the whole exchange from across the bar and within seconds after the young lady said goodbye and walked away, his phone lit up with a text from Al that just said “Steeeeerike!” After the gig, the choice was clear: 7-11! For snacking purposes only. And also for fun too! And for health. Allyson bought a bag of cheese popcorn, HardCore bought Fritos™ & a fluorescent pink donut w sprinkles, I bought Flamin Hot Cheetos™ & 2 Quest bars (for future health), and Paul bought a large Chex Mix & Swedish Fish (plus a thoughtful bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend at home… Aww!). All of this food (besides the Quest bars) was consumed between 7-11 and Paul’s house (a 10 minute drive). I’d classify it as a classic oink-down 🐷.

After getting a good night’s sleep we woke up fuckin SPRY. We were all super impressed with the contents of PQ’s tour fun bag he had packed us; bottle of Titos, a screwdriver, multiple forms of contraband smokable products, a knife, and limes. All but Allyson had a pep in one’s step – strangely since Al barely drank anything at the show. Once we were packed up we hit the cruel road to our gig at the Time Out Lounge in Tempe, Arizona. After about 5 minutes in the car Allyson piped up with a meek sounding “pull the car over”. Then realized she had already quietly yacked twice out the open window. Me: “Are you gonna barf?” Al: “yep”. I handed her a plastic bag, let her out if the car where she then threw up for about 5 minutes. She then neatly tied up the bag and we were back on our way. With a brief practice space stop (for Allyson, a “third spewing location” stop), we hit the road. The rough road of touring life as a musician. Things seemed to be going ok, Allyson was quietly lying down on the back seat, the rest of us gabbin, hangin, blastin tunes. We saw In n Out University and figured it was the perfect lunch spot. We pulled into the driveway and the front garbage can of the In n Out Company Store fast became Allyson’s “fourth blow chunks” locale. After the three of us polished off a fine and very affordable meal, it was back to the very mean streets of hardcore road life. The road out there is ROUGH I’ll tell you! Real rough rough stuff. You never know when, where or (even if) you’ll be getting your next snack. At one of the truck stops on the way I ran into Al in the women’s bathroom, where I noticed she was rinsing her sweatshirt out in the sink… When I inquired I was informed that the van itself had become “hurl-zone numero cinco” where she’d secretly cookie-tossed upwards of quatro times. Stealth ralphing pro, really! Ironically she’d somehow paid the puke price for the rest of us cause we all felt fine, and she’d only had two of the toppest shelf vodka sodies. 😑🍸

We got into Tempe to play our 2nd of 4 gigs, and finally Al had just started to feel better, so naturally we went to the pizza place in the strip mall we were playing and pounded garlic bread bites, jalapeño poppers, a salad (for health), & mozzarella stix (for oil). We walked into the Time Out Lounge which immediately became my favorite bar; blasting SRV style blues, multiple pool tables in use with 50+ yr old men w beer guts, it looked smoky even there was no one smoking, open carry gun toters outside the bar… cause you know, that’s necessary 😐

This was first of a few shows with heavy rockin LA Witch. They were awesome, and our set was fun, even though Corey’s male keyboard amp cut out mid set (not pro, right?!) Right after we decided to check out our strip mall surroundings so naturally we hit up the nearby (other side of the mall) Monkey Pants Bar & Grill. While walking there Corey & Paul cleverly came up with the idea to put only monkey related songs on the jukebox. The set list listed as follows:

Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters

Monkeys Theme – Monkeys

Brass Monkey – Beastie Boys

This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven – Pixies

Monkey Man – Rolling Stones

Monkey Island – 13th Floor Elevators

Monkey Time – Major Lance

This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven (again, cause Paul didn’t realize Corey played it too)

Might As Well Go for a Soda – Kim Mitchell* 

U & Dat – E40

Everybody’s Got Something Hide Except me & my Monkey – Beatles

*NOT monkey related, but someone randomly interrupted our playlist with this Canadian classic… Which was mos def weird.
After our non-annoying-to-other-patrons set of music wrapped up we headed over to the Yucca Taproom upon recommendation of the show promoter. We walked across the street to another strip mall and there we were, in a fun sea of metal heads. We saw a band setting up, with somewhat elaborate lighting gear and realized we had walked in just in time for Arizona’s premier Stoner Thrash band Scattered Guts to start filming their set for their new single entitled Beer. What are the odds?!!😀 Now when a band is a self described stoner thrash band, Corey and I started wondering if it would be fast or slow?! A question for the ages… Is it a fast ass drone? Or a slow ass thrashing?! Is it an alternation between punishingly slow and brutally speedy? We were on board to find out!🎸 they started playing and they ruled. A pit broke out, people threw and spit beer, and a good ole time was had. We concluded that Scattered Guts are a thrash band with some sweet blues riffage and a stoner lifestyle. They really capped off what I can now refer to as the best day of my life. But it wasn’t over yet! We continued our night back at the hotel room, where Allyson had been slumbering post scattering her guts, while we watched a band of the same name. PQ went to bed so HardCore and I retired to the bathroom for some homemade Bloody Marys (stolen from Paul’s bag). I left the bathroom to get into my pjs, and when I reopened the bathroom door Corey was mooning me, which cracked me up to the degree of laughter I had to run into bathroom as to not wake up the sleeping beauties. The mooning happened 2 more times, everyone garnering the same reaction out of me… Which just goes to show you we do get some comic relief occasionally in this punishing lifestyle as professional music players on the harsh dark and lonely tour dog road of constant gigging. Up next, our last two gigs of our painful 4 gig run, heading Friday to Vegas, then Reno. Stay tizuned!   




 #monkeypants #scatteredguts #innoutuniversity #dirtyghosts #womeninrock #malekeyboards #coreylargent #dermztermz #scatteredguts #stonerthrash #beer #overeating #salsa #paulquattrone #meninrock #lifeontheroad #roaddawg 


It’s what Subway doesn’t make anymore, and what they call… A WRAP! End of Food Tour USA 2K15: El Paso, Phoenix & Los Angeles! #tourdefloors #dirtyghoststourblog

Friends, family, fans, stalkers and accidental subscribers… Welcome back! It’s (Staind voice) BEEN A WHILE since we’ve forced the minutiae of our lives onto you, so here we go onward with the shocking conclusion to 2015’s DG “No Refunds” US Tour. If there’s one thing the world needs more of, it’s the stories and opinions of non-professionals online.

 Après Denton we had a drive day with the goal of landing in El Paso for the night. En route I texted my good pal CC that we were heading to his hometown, and, like the great friend that he is, he offered up his parents’ place to stay for the night. His Mom called me a few minutes later to ask what time we were getting in… and what everyone would like to eat! SO NICE. We were getting in late but she said not to worry, and not to eat because she was preparing us a big dinner… Exciting!! We got in around 10pm to a MASSIVE spread of homemade cooking, leading to 10 high-octane minutes of feasting followed by near-instant sleep. As the tour had wreaked havoc on out workout schedules, we woke up the next morning early, got our gym clothes on, and went for an epic LOTR-level workout run. Braving intense heat from the scorching Texican sun, we set out, not knowing what hardships the journey would force us to endure. Ten minutes (and 12.5 combined jumping jacks) later we were back in the kitchen scarfing down leftovers. We had some time to kill so Allyson threw on her favorite reality show “Vanderpump Rules”, which we learned quickly is a documentary about the end of civilization, with a cast of garbage-humans fucking their way into all sorts of tender situations. Essentially a West Coast Jersey Shore based in a restaurant, but without the convoluted plot lines or respectable cast. Like if you found Snooki too elegant, or The Situation too Presidential, this’d be the show for you. 

 Next drive was to Phoenix to play the Valley Bar. We played a lively gig, and, as travel exhaustion was beginning to seep in, headed quickly after to our home away from home, the Holiday Inn Express. This was Renée’s last night on tour with us so we hit the very empty hotel bar. There was a modern Internet-fed jukebox so Allyson kicked off the night with a everyone’s go-to Prince track… Batdance. Winner of 1989 Grammy for Best Batsong. The obvious first choice when you have EVERY SONG EVER at your disposal. This, coupled with some creeping tour dementia, led to communication only through giggling (including to the bad-joke-telling bartender) until bed. 

 Then off to Los Angeles, home of all celebrities ever. Find me a legit celeb who lives anywhere else and I will eat my hat (insert stock photo of nacho hat). Got in early enough for a quick round of #health at Forage and some solid Silverlake wandering. After a round of cosmetic reductions and enhancements, we were ready to head over to the magically nautical (though decidedly non-Vanderpumpian) Redwood Bar for the final gig o’ tour. Tons of friends came out to hang and a million drinks and laughs were had. Hatches were battened down (let’s go ahead and assume that the term makes sense in this context) as Maniac closed out the night with a killer hand-injured punk set. Dear hoser bud Stephen “Gord” McBean guided us around town post-gig, landing eventually at his sweet pad for literary discussion, poetry reading, and silent meditation. We woke up the next morning with hangovers and a desire to gloss over the fact that we spent the whole previous night chugging booze with max force. 

 So that’s it. I’m sure there were several valuable life lessons learned, but we’re all a bit fried from long drives and Olympic-level food intake so brain no good now. Thank god we’ve got a nice long break between now and the next tr… Ewwwwww boy.

XOXO Your DG Fwiends in Food we Twust,

McD, Bakerstein, & Zynskz*

*a special thanks to Zynskz for his help with this last blog post and for almost dying on tour via food rammage.














COMING SOON – DG “Pas De Remboursement” EURO TOUR 2015 – LE SNACKENING

Merci Beauxcoups! New Orleans, Austin & Denton. #tourdefloors #dirtyghoststour #manytypesofbrie

New Orleans, early show at Siberia on a Thursday! Before getting to the gig we popped into The Boot, a bar by the Tulane campus where Andrew & Renée picked up some crepes; a chantilly, strawberry with whipped cream plus a bacon and Nutella one. Good thing because as soon as we got to Siberia they fed us plates of their delicious perogies, salads & stroganoff. Nick introduced our set, but he sadly opted out on using his regionally focused joke that he was “exTREMEly happy to be here.” Then it was time to hit the town. Bourbon St town! Home of the Sazerac, Daquiri buffets, Zydeco, Mardi Gras bead toting hunchbacks, the three Vs: voyeurism/voodoo/vomit, and death place of Johnny Thunders, who passed away tragically during a rigorous workout on his hotel’s treadmill. We got some big gulp street walkin daquiris wherein 4 out of the 5 of us immediately got either brain or esophagus freeze. We waded through thousands upon thousands of Midwestern tourists, four locals and one stripper who lived two towns over. Andrew and Al decided to go home early but not before one last picture of Al surrounded by the masses. As Andrew set up the shot, a friendly entrepreneur quickly interrupted and jammed an oversized sign into Allyson’s hand for the pic – a gesture which turned out, much like freedom, not to be free. A buck o’ five later they made their way back to our hotel. Renée, Flanagan and I decided to continue on in le Quarter. After a nice cocktail at LaFitte’s we were walking home when we noticed a 24 hour Chinese reflexology massage spot. Tired from the intense walking and hurricane pounding we figured a 30minute  massage at 1am was the perfect end to our night. It was really perfect until we were all paid up, and I went outside to see Nick & Renée beside a large glossy pool of red daquiri dappled with chewed pizza. Coincidentally items that Nick had consumed earlier. Who knew Nick was such a dainty upchucker? Hotel time & sleep.

Up next we are off to Texas to play shows in Austin & Denton. Got to Hotel Vegas, unloaded and walked down to Liberty Bar to visit my pal Mike Sanchez who was bartending during the Jays game. My aunt & uncle who live in Austin popped in along with our friend Johnny and now the bar was infested with maple syrup chuggin Canadians! Back at Hotel Vegas we set up and again Nick introduced us, talking Texas Toast, dazzling the audience with his signature & much loved regionally based jokes. We played a fun set to a pile of our Austin friends. Post set I got into a lively & involved conversation with my friends Eyad and Johnny (likely Rush related), when what I’m assuming was a Juilliard Professor on sabbatical inserted himself into the gabs. Focusing on me he offered a one sentence compliment (“great set”) followed by the words, “can I offer you some constructive criticism?”. And of course, this coming from an interrupting stranger, I was all ears! I asked if he thought I should be slapping more. He said no, and that my picking style included too many up strokes, which was throwing off our drummer’s interest level while playing on stage. I’m not sure why he said that as Andrew only took two calls and sent out 8 texts from stage during our 23 minute set. Johnny and Eyad could only agree prompting me to call my bass teacher for a late night pep talk. Les told me that with only a few more lessons I’d be “back onstage sailing the seas of cheese!”. That really cheered up this here slappatista!! We headed back to Johnny & Erin’s sweet pad nearby to kick it and get some rest. We were all happy to meet their three pups Daisy, Mayor McCheese & Lolita. Daisy claimed me as her pillow and we snuggled all night. The next day we all did our own thing hanging with our Austin friends & fam before heading to our gig Saturday in Denton. Renée, Andrew, Nick, Johnny and their friends Dan & Ray went to Joe’s Bakery for lunch. Due to their general disheveled look and faint smell of alcohol (cause tequila sweats) they were assumed to be a band which garnered them a free basket of cookies after their meal! Yay food! We gathered ourselves and headed off to the next gig. We played a fun set at Rubber Gloves in Denton where to our surprise, two Scottish fans that had been at our New Orleans gig showed up. The happy hour bartender turned out to have been the singer of Denton’s Slobberbone – fun fact! Notably (to maybe only us) they had a drink special called The Norm MacDonald (Molson Ex & a shot of Jameson, neither of which he drinks). We stayed the night nearby at a Homewood Suites where we fell asleep to L&O: Criminal Intent – cause only option. Andrew & Renée woke early for the continental breakfast. From her perch at the waffle maker Renée noticed a basketball court onsite. Taking her State of Texas shaped waffle with her, she dragged Andrew to the basketball court for a wheezing game of HORSE… Which was immediately shortened down to a short game of PIG. We had a long drive day ahead of us, getting chauffeured by Renée to spend the night in El Paso, TX… Which we just couldn’t El Pass up! Stay tuned!

Xo Xo

Upstrokes McSlappe


The Cleve vs Noshville vs Stax of Snax™ #tourdefloors #dirtyghoststour #healthandlifestyleadvice

Picture it! Cleveland, October 2015… Beachland Ballroom. A venue that all DG members have played previously in different outfits. Also in different bands. The last time I had played there was 2007, I wore a white tuxedo and was playing guitar for Top Ten – a show that the owner Mark Leddy actually™ remembered when we were chatting at the bar upon load in. Andrew had been playing with Quest for Fire back in 2011, he had been wearing his classic and unique look of: jeans & tee shirt. Allyson’s last outfit she’d worn onstage there was in the year of 2005, while she was playing in the dream catching boogie rock ensemble Parchman Farm. The outfit consisted of a loofah necklace, Native American headdress, crystal encrusted slacks, and a fringe vest worn barefoot on a portable piece of organic grass which she toted from gig to shaman festival to apothecary in-store shows. We were greeted this time with a delicious welcoming meal consisting of a mountain of fried chicken, a platter of mashed potatoes, salad & for me a home made veggie burger. Behaving like we hadn’t eaten food before, we wolfed our meals swiftly. My good friend Carol greeted us post food-annihilation we caught up throroughly. We opened for Cleveland legend Bim’s band Obnox, who were encroyable (that’s French for soooooo great). We stayed with our pal Mark at his killer pad on Lake Erie, ending the night at 4:20 with tequila and some late night gabs. After I failed to steal Allysons sleeping bag and teddy bear stuffed toy (for comfort), we slept. At the fresh faced hour of 8am Andrew was up and at them, waking both Al & I to get ready to hit the road in what can only be described as… Disrupting & irritating. 

Once loaded up in the car we were off to the beloved and 7 hour away city of Nashville, TN: yodeling mecca & Moon Pie capital. You may remember it as the iconic filming locale for the Oscar sweeping biopic Country Strong. First stop was the Family Wash, world’s yummiest Shepherd’s Pie specializing restaurant. Our fellow Law & Order loving & great pal Ben Swank made the reservations, joining us was our newly returning-to-tour Mom Renée, as well as Ben & Melissa Blackwell with baby Violet in tow. Each of us devoured our personal sized orders of Shepherd’s Pie, appetizers, beer, tequila & vodka. Since we were all very full and dining next to Bolton’s Spicy Chicken & Fish (post meal yet pre bill paying) Andrew and Renée darted next door for what was warned to them by locals as a dangerous food option. They ordered two fried chicken skewers, one medium and one hot. We had to book it to our show at The End, so en route in the dark van, the two snacksperts dove optimistically into the medium heat skewer of the firespice-dusted chicken. The next sounds we heard were moans, cries, whimpers, hysterical laughter, wailing with a splash of shrieking. When we got out of the van they both realized that they had unknowingly been supplied with the crucial spice extinguishers, bread & ranch dressing, but since they had been eating in the dark they hadn’t noticed. After consuming these and waiting a few minutes they moved on to the hot one. They didn’t get too far on that one as they felt like their facial skin cells were being burned off. Renée accidentally touched her eye before washing her hands post spice dust which left her teared up crying & regretting… Yet still addicted to the chicken so she & Andrew kept going back to the van to eat more while loading into the club. The sad ending to this food risk was that Renée threw the much uneaten hot skewer into two different dumpsters, mob style, to protect both her & Andrew from anymore of it. Both my friend Jemina and Andrew asked repeatedly where the discarded chicken had ended up, strong implication that the dumpster fact didn’t really faze them from still wanting to eat it?!! Our friends & label mates Hans Condor headlined & organized the show fresh off their tour of Japan. Openers Helado Negro opened with a crazy and mesmerizing set which included two Twin Peaks-esque tinsel encased beings dancing slowly on either side of the lead singer, a real treat! We played a fun set to our Nashvillian pals and watched the insanely revved up and debaucherous Hans Condor set. What a fun and fulfilling tour stop! The next day we stopped by to visit our pals The Bens (Swank & Blackwell) & Chet Weise at Third Man Records downtown. Blackwell provided us with an entertaining and Stooges heavy tour of the premises, and hooked us up with a pile of vinyl and shwag… Including my now most prized possession, my Kid Rock VIP laminate for a party later that evening. No visit to any town would be complete without multiple food stops so we went to my fave hot dog joint Hot Diggity Dogs around the corner from Third Man. Chet, Al n I got the veggie dogs (lettuce buns for me & Al… for health), deep fried pickle spears, onion rings (also for health), both Renée & Andrew got the chili cheese fries (health),  and meat dog or four. Then we hit up my all time fave coffee joint Crema to jack ourselves up! On our way out of town we peeped local band The Ettes’ store Fond Object – a super kewl store store selling handmade clothes, vintage clothes, records, bric-a-brac and also doubles as a fully functioning venue and out door movie space. But maybe the best part is the petting zoo featuring two goats and Dottie the piggy! Sadly we had to leave Nashville for Memphis, which meant the heartbreaking reality that I wasn’t going to the Kid Rock VIP party I had recently acquired a badge for, but that’s okay cause I just KNEW Memphis would be poppin for our show on a Wednesday night!

Our old comedian friend Nick Flanagan flew in to meet us for a few days, starting in Memphis… Woohoo! We rolled into the venue around 7pm and as we were the only band on the bill and had never played Memphis before we were eager with anticipation to see how this show would pan out, seeing as it is such a musical hotbed. We tripped over a few tumbleweeds while loading our gear into the venue, and since the sound of crickets was deafening we split to nearby Central BBQ for some pigging out BBQ! The band ordered a full rack of ribs, pulled pork, brisket, turkey & some veggie sides (for health). I got the portobello sandwich, which oddly took 20 mins longer than the previously mentioned extensive BBQ meal (assuming because mushroom still needed to be foraged). 

Back to the club, the crickets had been joined by five chainsmoking regulars watching a Back to the Future marathon, a festive scene. Since it seemed disruptive to impose our 2015 style of futuristic hoverboard rock on this lively batch of chimneys, we opted to repack our van with the unplayed gear and return to the safe confines of our creepy Elvis themed hotel. After a swift precise strike on our organic cheese and artisanal cracker supply we crashed.

That brings us today… We performed an early morning round up of Stax of Snax™, heartbreakingly said goodbye to our hotel, walked the line out to our van  off to New Orleans, where in my opinionation the sun is gonna surely shine. Plus we hear there is a house there. Playin Siberia tonight with friends to be local bands. Iko Iko!!!


No refunds! Canada, New York & Philly… Or from Toronto to Pompeii… If you will. 

Toronto, Ontario. Aka T Dot, aka 6IX, aka the T Dizzle, aka Turonno… Home to the Baker family, Andrew Mosinski (aka the Zinsk) and Snow (aka Informer)! First stop, the Baker household of Forest Hill & a swift pillaging of the infamous “snack drawer” (see photo & previous Toronto blog posts to read up on this glorious food heaven). Upon arrival show at the Hoxton we were greeted by our old pal Ewan Exall as well as our friends & families. This was Teddy’s last night on the road with us and he really arffed it up with all the bands in the green room – most definitely the most popular (only) dog in the venue that evening! 🐶! Afterwards I took off with my Dad and some friends to our pal Katie’s awesome bar in Kensington, Thirsty & Miserable. After a severe, heavy & loud April Wine listening session coupled with a fine smorgasvein of brews, twas time for bed. 
Off to Canada’s capital, and my hometown, Ottawa! We played a fun in store show at The Record Center, where we succeeded in making at least one infant cry with our brand of music & volume (woohoo!). Allyson and I split off to do an interview at the CBC where we scoured the joint for free shwag but left sadly… Without even a mug! Or any heavily-discounted Ghomeshi merch… Which turns out is a good thing! While Al n I were interviewed, Renée & Andrew frolicked off to the market for some Beavertails™… Cause up next was dinner! The four of us made our way to So Good in Chinatown for one of my favorite meals of all time… 2 orders of Wu Se vegetables, salt & pepper tofu, deep fried sweetheart eggplants, hot & sour soup, coupled with some meat dishes of Singapore style vermicelli & an entire steamed halibut. We had to order so much as we were a total of FOUR people. A classic happy stomach ache later we arrived at our gig at the Dominion Tavern, conveniently located beside a poutine truck (it’s called strategic meal plan gigging -SMPG… We wrote the book on it). Our bud Dave Aardvark put on a fun show for us, old friends & family came oot and then it was time for a food coma to set in for the noyte. (Zzzzz 😴)

After dropping off my big boy Ted-Dawg at my Mom’s place it was time to head back to the US of F-n A!! We drove to the nearby town of Ogdensburg New York to do some essentials shopping at Walmart with my Mom, and for a farewell coffee & Timbits™ box at the bizarro-world of what is known as an American Tim Horton’s franchise.  

We rolled into our first of six NYC gigs at Passenger Bar Wednesday night. Turns out New York is a pretty happening spot! Al & I stayed with her brother in Chelsea, whereas Andrew embarked on a multi-pronged attack on the city’s pizzerias (including a 24 hr stretch featuring, but not limited to, 5 different pizza stops). Our great old buddy Eric Davidson showed up for a few of our gigs and an interview, we played 3 shows with fellow Canuck(s) Michael Rault, learned about the fine art of shirtless bartending @ Lady Jay’s, oh and had the best time of all time with Spag, Eric & Handsome Dick Manitoba at Manitoba’s on Avenue B… As is tradition. Our friend Esther noticed that we’ve been withering away on tour so she baked us a loaf of banana bread… Which quickly became our beloved fourth band member on stage. Before we ate him. On our way out of town we hit the Donut Plant where we purchased FIVE donuts. No regets… No refunds… Zero health.  There’s a REASON why CJ wrote a song about the city… Aptly titled New York City!

Off to Philadelphia, one of our funnest stops so far! We played a day show at Beautiful World Syndicate with the Cave Women & the Residuels… Both great Philly bands. In the audience was fellow Toronto legend Freddy Pompeii of the Viletones… Noyce. Quick stop at Geno’s & Pat’s for food blitz unnecessarity, then we went to our hotel. Later on we had some margs (that’s a time saving abbreve for  margaritas), some chips, multiple salsas, then some zzzz’s! And that’s a wrap Philly! (Note: wrap, not cheesesteak).
Cleveland be next stop… More on that in our next blog post! 😀























The Snackening™ – Lawrence KS/Chicago IL/Detroit MI 

Ok, now we reach the Midwest  portion of our tour… Where, as Andrew says, his “blood became replaced with butter” & “everybody’s face looks like it’s off of a wanted poster.”

En route to Lawrence to keep up with said oil based pace we immediately embarked upon what we could only term “The Snackening”. It “began” with my purchase of a Canada inspired snack  of All Dressed Ruffles (3rd bag of potato chips that day to enter van) and “continued” with me finding Andrew & Allyson annihilating a piece of fried chicken made by one of the finest chefs in the land, the gas station attendant, aka the “birdista”. Rolling into the Replay Lounge about 20 mins later, first stop clearly had to be ice cream (cause calories). We shared a satisfying large cone-buckling cone of “Epic Mint” – (mint ice cream with chocolate chips, brownies & cookie dough). Feeling great & unrepentant after this we proceeded to the club to play. Opening was Mr & the Mrs. At a dangerously sober juncture midset their drummer stopped playing (while the guitarist continued) to urgently run to the bar and order herself a shot of Jameson, slammed it, then went back to performing. Classic move… We all noted it duly!! 

Moving along, next stop was Chicago. Andrew ate three burgers that day (varying quality) from McDonald’s to Culver’s to the Empty Bottle – all unavoidable. Our tour mom Renée got into town that eve where she reunited with her high school boyfriend at our show. After a 25 year gap they discovered a new found common ground… That they are both gay! They both said bye to their teams! Also classic. To counteract the gas station heavy heat lamp diet we all stayed at Renée’s hotel downtown where a necessary “Brie-down” happened at the cool hungry hour of 3am. Five artisinal cheeses later (featuring truffles & $8 crackers) we slumbered. Andrew’s sleeping & wheezing “brie-thing” now a mild concern. Before we left town we went to Pequod’s for some crazy ass panned ‘za which can only be described as “a fleurry of waist-doublage”. 

Next up Detrizzle. So many poor van food choices later (eating the recently acquired leftovers) we arrived at the Lager House. My dog Teddy was pretty pumped to happily run around the Robocopian landscape surrounding the venue, wherein he made many a friend via his adorability! We had a pretty fun set where we had yet another encounter with the sound guy (see old Detroit blog entry) in which Allyson got shocked by the mic first syllable of first song… Thought she was bleeding due to the blue sparks! So she had that going for her. Then there was an on stage debate about whether or not Andrew should turn his drums around and play facing the wall Blair Witch style because they were too loud 🙂 Needless to say the mood was (in)tense(ly laughable)!

Now we’re crankin up the April Vino (that’s Italian for Wine), lighting the patio lanterns, Rollin a bone or deux & we’re gonna go for a soda now that we’ve entered Canada, our home and native land… Beauty eh!?




Dirty Ghosts “NO REFUNDS Fall 2K15” Tour Blog reinstatement: Day 1 – Denver, Colorado.

Doth thy know wherest said band name “Dirty Ghosts” origines from?  Well if you didn’t catch the answer to the same $45 (CDN) question on last night’s Canadian Jeopardy, the answer (not in question form, CRTC laws) is a Norm MacDonald joke! On an old Letterman appearance, Normy (fellow Ottawan) was referencing the ‘comet chasing via suicide’ cult the Raëlians (who succeeded in the suicide part) saying something like “Now I can’t ever watch a comet go by without imagining a bunch of dirty ghosts trailing behind it!” Old Torontonian friends of ours, Andrew, Dave, Flanagan & Carson thought this joke was funny enough to name their high school band after. Two live gigs later that hot act broke up. 

Fa(s)t Fwd to decades later present day times… Allyson and I felt the name fitting enough to lift for our own. And here we are, the Ladies’ Ghost, if you will, in need of yet another drummer for our Spinal Tap themed touring drummer issue. Who wants in?! Why it’s Andrew Mosinski! Original Norm joke loving OG Dirty Ghosts member!! So last week he flew over to SF via T.Dot for an INTENSE pre-tour practice schedule. What ensued was endless eating, complaining, burrito wolf-seshes, a Tragically Hip show (!), pizza slams, a low impact song run through, donut comparison via eating, and perhaps about 400 cocktails… And that was just Andrew! 

So what next made the most sense was to rent a van and begin the tour 20 hours outside San Francisco, over in Denver, CO! After a fun Facebook check-in at a brothel in Winnemucca, NV, we arrived promptly at Moe’s BBQ in Denver! Our buddy Danny Sax booked the show and gave us a warm welcome with BBQ & drink which was DEFINITELY the way to Andrew’s heart. This was our 2nd gig at Moe’s (and 2nd touring drummer) and although the turnout was light (long way to the top) the vibes were noyce! Future Single Mom opened up the show with a great set, and post gig I convinced band members Maureen & Bennett to watch my dog Teddy whilst we loaded out. Oh, BTW, I brought our band manager, my Shih Tzu Teddy, along for the beginning of this tour!.. For his cool managing skills… They’re not ruff! Arf you kidding me? Danny set us up at his place where we had the pleasure of meeting his tortoise Pushkin, gabbing, and sleeping comfortably. 

First gig down, we are feeling good, partaking in an ungodly sodium intake, van weight lifting (women only… For exercise… For health!), Longmont Potion Castle referencing, documenting a terrifying food consumption log, blasting many a Killdozer & Ministry marathons, and getting revved for our gig at the Replay in Lawrence Kansas tonight!

How many songs will we play this eve?? Tune in here tomorrow for the crazy  boring answer!!

McDermal Underwear™


















Chicago & Lawrence – end of tour last post )c:

AAAAGGGHHHH! It’s all over! We’re heading back to the Gay Bay today, yay! But that means tour is over, therefore so is blog for now. )c: (sad Ziggy).
We drove all day Sunday from our comfy food-encased Baker fam nest in Toronto to Chicago. Chicago is the best. It is NOT Shitcago, as some idiots refer to it. We played Schuba’s with an awesome two piece called The Hecks.
Allyson’s moynd was positively blown by the guitar player’s mad skillage! Nice guys too. Our brother in blogging, Joel, from SYFFAL came to the gig, as well as Allyson’s old buddy from high school Sonya. The very friendly band Flyover State played too, and it was cool to find out that they were a band who met on Craigslit (.org). Their drummer fist bumped me and told me after our set that I was “noodlefingers on the fuckin bass!” so I felt I had really conveyed my message via my slap skills that night.
After a nice post show catchup sesh with our buddies, we went back to Joel’s buddy Marco’s pad to zzzz through the night. Garberator ® needed a Chicago style slice on the way home, so we stopped in at Chicago Pizza. She picked up a spinach deep dish slice, which she promptly burned the skin off the roof of her mouth eating!!! #eatingetiquette
We got back to Marco’s in the meat packing district late, Ben got a nice underappreciated late night bongo session out of his system and we hit the sack. Two nice grey sister kitties kept us company.

The drive to Lawrence KS for our last show last night was about nine hours, so we got up early. First stop outta town was Intelligentsia for some coffee & some cool beans. A very long drive later we got to the Bottleneck and set up for our gig with Steve’s (Wally’s Dad!) band Major Games (twitter: @majorgames) and other #LFK locals Black on Black. The Bottleneck is an old Lawrence venue, complete with 90s era 8×10 glossies all over the walls. We had a great last show of tour, Steve said that when he squinted I looked like Cliff Burton playing bass from afar, which was the best compliment I had received ever in my life!!!!… Obviously not including Noodlefingerz™, duh. Allyson was super on pointe on stage cuz she discovered the bar served her favorite Froot Loops flaved vodka, #mmmm.
Ben was in fine form, and we played a fast & furious emotionally charged rager of a set, and wrapped it up before the club’s ‘Emo Karaoke’ night took the stage, but not before a fan bought a cd by writing us a check (old timey grocery store style!!)
We hit the Taproom around the corner for some drinks & hangs with Tuttle’s old pals Wade, Nish, Danny, Doug, Jeremy, Steve Squire™, and our awesome bartender RJ!
None of us got “facked up beyond barf belief” and we headed back to Steve & Bigitt’s for our last night of tour. Wally was still alive when we arfrived so Ben introduced him to the chocolate vaporizer (kidding!!).
I went to bed early but I heard there was a #piggish late night triple pizza delivery and I’m fairly sure Allyson’s stomach noises woke me up at least twice during the night!! #Ew
Now we are all lingering about, snacking, packing, eating, gabbing, grazing, feed trough emptying and winding down for our flight back home to San Francisco, ye old towny city by the bay. We have a stop in Vegas so I expect to gamble my band earnings on a Wheel of Fortune or two, Ben will probably get a veggie burger at BK (or maybe a ‘barf sandwich’ from Subway, his new fave) & Al will probably get a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Black Forest Cake Ultimate Mocha Ice Blended 1000 calorie drink.
Our ‘Food & Feed Tour Fall 2012™’ was all in all a success!
Thanks to our booker Annie Southworth and all da pals that put us up & came to da gigz! We will ACTUALLY miss you!

We are playing some shows with the Zig Zags from LA at the end of this month… If you’re in the Bay come to the Elbo Room Friday Nov 30 for a taste of our world music loop infused reggae drek!

Byeeeee for now!
Xo Erin ‘Noodlefingerz™’ McCliffBarBurton

























Indianapolis, Detroit, Toronto & Hamilton!

Hullo hullo!

Greetings from the I-80 W in Indiana!
We have been busy gigging around North ‘Merica, eh? Since our last entry we’ve played Indianapolis, Detroit, Tronnow & Hamilton. Tonight is Chicago.

Beginning chronologically, Indianapolis was a really fun show at the White Rabbit. Jacob was our host that set up the show. Jerome & the Psychics (from Brazil… & also Indiana) opened the show with a fun garagey set. The keyboard player set her keyboard up on two garbage cans which distracted Allyson because she kept wondering what the story was with all the food scraps in the garbage (Al is aka The Garberator®).
DMA closed the night off with an awesome and unique set – a really sweet band with a jammy rock vibe as well as loops & heavy effexxx. Czech em out!
We had a pre-booked hotel on the outskirts of town which we barreled off to post gig…
Ummm, please never stay at the Rodeway Inn off Shadeland in Indianapolis!!!!! The entire band agreed it was the hands down vilest hotel we’d collectively ever stayed in! From the stained chairs, foul reek in the air, the non-fitted sheets above the bare mattresses, to the abandoned mid lobby indoor pool & screaming high pitched progressively louder tv ringing noise, we opted to sleep above the sheets in double layered clothing to avoid potential bedbug medication expenses the next morning.
Thursday morning we were up early and could not get out of that hotel and on the road fast enough off to Detroit.

Our show was booked at the Lager House, where the last time we played there we had arrived at 8pm for a soundcheck that never happened, were put on 4th of 4 bands at 1am and told we had to hurry up and cut our set to 15 mins so the bar could close up in time. Needless to say, we weren’t in a huge rush! We were rolling at a leisurely and civilized pace, getting into our (comparatively five star) Dearborn Red Roof Inn in the early evening.
Ben decided to kick it in the hotel room, while Garberator® & I went in search for food. We had a nice meal and stopped by Miller’s Bar, a place we stopped at cause its sign was so cool. It was a super old timey bar & restaurant packed with post-work locals.
We headed to the Lager House and met the opening band, Bop Shop, who were kind enough to lend us some gear. They were a quirky art jazz five piece band ala Zappa/Zorn, complete with sax & music stands. There was a couple of bar dogs roaming around the venue that night, one of them was taken with the reflection of the guitar player’s pick guard on the floor, and put on his own show just chasing the reflection at the front of the stage.
Third band canceled, and we were up next. My good old buddy Tony Lima from London, Ontario had made the two hour drive to see us which was really nice, so we tried to put on a non-lackluster show! We hit up a McDonalds for a 2am cone for Garberator®, then it was off to bed!

Up next – Toronto on a Friday! Both Al & I previously lived in Tronnow, Al having grown up there, so we had a lot of friends and family to catch up with. Tutts, who is a psycho Rush fan, was lapping up his Caress of Steel & Exit Stage Left albs the entire Canadian portion of the tour. We got to the Baker residence late afternoon and we all #pigged super hard on the bountiful cupboards of Al’s parents’ kitchen. By bountiful I’m talking triple mega Costco sized Ruffles, french ‘nion dip, four tubs of hummus, three separate bags of different types of bagels (including smashed bagels: FLAGELS!), salad, olives, pickles, M&M’s™, veggie slices, peppermint bark, red wine, fruit baskets, Perrier, lox & cream cheese and other stuff I’m forgetting about!
We canceled the Toronto show and all died of food comas promptly after arrival. For real!
Then we headed to Parts & Labour for our show with Two Koreas, Nick Flanagan & The Men. I popped by my greatest old bud Katie’s new bar Thirsty & Miserable in Kensington Market where I got the a-list treatment from Kawie & her buddy Heather.
My Dad & I met for dinner down the street from the club & shared a large oversized plate of poutine with garlic cheese curds & mushroom gravy that we couldn’t finish. I packed up the leftovers for later inhalation by Allyson, then it was off to play gig live in concert! Our show was super fun, many faces from days of yore were present, including high school pals (Rohit, Erica, The Gans brothers, Adam Wygodny), as well as old bros Ben Playford, Jamie Rapkin, Max n’ Paulie, Mark Jarett, Sean Dean, Trevor Shaikin, Nick Sewell, D MAN, Marco plus also family (my Dad & Al’s folks!). Our old buddy Pesci (Mark Rodenhizer) set up the show and it was super fun filled & packed (thanks!!).

Our show the next night was about an hour away in Hamilton so we used Al’s folks’ place as our home base for the 2 days. Now I have stayed at the Baker residence many times over the years, and I’ve always wanted to do an exposé on their particular style of art collecting. I will be doing that right now with this new found blog power currently coursing through my blog related ego-maniacal veins.
I won’t qualify the art as “good” or “bad”, but I’ll provide a few neutral yet descriptive “adjectives”…
Colorful. 80’s tinged. Mardi Gras-esque. Zydeco. Beetlejuice. Canadiana, Spherical. Floridian. “Futuristic”. Zany. Golf related?
That will conclude the text portion of the Baker art part of this blog entry… Please scroll down post blarg text to peruse the heavily documented photos.

Ok ok ok, so our show last night was in Hamilton – not too far from Tee Dot. We spent the aft catching up with comedian Nick Flanagan, and metal maniacs D MAN & Katie Whittaker. Several overeating sessions later we moseyed on down to our Casbah show in Hamilton. Brody the booker kindly put us on the bill last minute and gave us awesome treatment (TWELVE drink tix!).
A neato two piece band called Mediocre opened up the show. The singer Sam prefaced their set by dedicating it to the guy who committed suicide by jumping in front of the train he was riding to the show. He also dedicated it to his father that had died that day. (…Eleven years ago).
He proceeded to perform shirtlessly, and later on, pantslessly, & the room had a particularly distinct scent while they were on stage. They did an acapella verj of Michael Jackson’s ‘She’s out of My Life’, a song about sodomy and some slam poetry!!! Take that WORLD!!
We took the stage next and had a fun punk set on the floor. Really nice crowd and staff, even had a pit for a few of our songs! Ben & I furiously blazed through our excess drink tix, and Allyson squired us down the QEW back to our Beetlejuicey digs.
Today there was a sad goodbye to the Baker family pet, Stolie the Golden Retriever. She’d been following me around while I was packing my suitcase, so I stopped to give her some attention before we left… she immediately gave me her paw to shake (Awwww! 🐶💕🐾👅) and I told her she was a really good Arf-Arf and I’d be back someday for more ball throws & paw shakes.

Fast forward to today! We drove from Toronto, home of Barenaked Ladies, all the way to Chicago, home of Da Brat!
We’re kicking around Schuba’s about to place our pick up order at Chicago Diner, before using our meal tickets for a full 2nd meal at this venue (#pigthemedtouring).

Yes, I slapped the bass really hard, but so far haven’t broken a flat wound. Yes, Allyson has eaten countless piles of more garbage (duh). No, Ben hasn’t forgiven himself re his attempted dog murder last week in KS, but the chickens are #pigging home to roost in Lawrence tomorrow, more mesmerizing blogging then!

Til then fwiendz!!

Xo Filet O’ Flerms









































Yikes! Lawrence KS: SCVU (Special Canine Victim’s Unit), Iowa City IA, election night giggery!

Howdy from da road!
Currently we are blaring on down I-74 East blasting early era Ministry as we are known to do. Gettin all geared up for our gig at the White Rabbit in Indianapolis tonight.
Allyson & I awoke yesterday at Steve & Bridgette’s pad in Lawrence KS to some shocking and disturbing news. Ben went on a murderous rampage the night before and attacked their one year old rescue doggie Wally! Just joking. Wally had snuck into Ben’s luggage and inhaled four adult chocolate chip cookies causing panic and some major barfage. Wally kept them up most of the night, and after throwing up for a while collapsed paralyzed, essentially in a k-hole. By morning Wally was on the mend, we turned Ben in to authorities, and are doing the rest of the tour with a drum machine. Seriously!
No really, the three of us hit the road towards Iowa City where we were booked at Gabe’s. Since Ben’s pops & stepmom live in Des Moines so dropped Ben off at Perkins Family Restaurant™ for lunch, and Al n I killed time at the Merle Hay Mall. Two full new Hot Topic wardrobes later, we picked up Ben. When we met Tuttle’s family his Dad Steve said goodbye to Al & I with an accurate “Bye Ethel! Bye Adrienne!”. Up next, Iowa City!

Our Iowa City show had only recently been confirmed so we were pleasantly surprised by the A-1 treatment we got from Joe Derderian & Doug Roberson who hooked us up with the awesome show at Gabe’s. There were two local bands, Acoustic Guillotine & Tanks on the bill, as well as Baltimore’s Room Runner. Our nice bartender Seth fixed me up with a delectable Hennessy & tap OJ with a splash of sodie. The mood was spirited and mildly tense as the room was anticipating a win for the ‘Bamanator ©. Allyson was so literally spirited that she ordered not one but TWO shots of tequila, which would lead her to feel Wally’s pain from the previous night – more on that later. Not an intellectual decision eh?!
The highlight of the set was Tanks. A local band that only play about once a year, they had a dedicated following pumped for them to play. They sounded like Jesus Lizard with a splash of Cypress Hill, a fresh mix. The singer wore a cat in the hat style rasta hat with long black Al Jorgensen style dreads attached. He played barefoot so the visuals smoked! The smoke machine smoked! There was a nice sample played at the end of every jam of a dude jazzily singing the words “smoke weed everyday” followed by a screaming loud heavy bong rip noise. 😎.
We headed back to the hotel in Coralville Iowa. We stayed at the fiercely patriotic Heartland Inn, which prominently displayed a larger than life Hawk dressed up as Lady Liberty Statue out front. (See pic)
We scarfed down our leftover Thai food and crashed almost immediately.
I awoke up around 5am to hear Allyson shuffling about, later on to find out that she was actually just vomiting about.
6am rolled around to a cool car alarm GOING OFF AT VOLUME EIGHT MILLION which was nice. At about two minutes in I peaked out the hotel window out of mild van safety concern to discover an elderly man standing behind the alarm tripped car right outside our window just staring at his keys, then at his car, then back at his keys. He eventually figured it out, so we had that going for us.
We slept in for another few hours and then Allyson forced a hotel maid to give her two donuts, then later asked for a bagel. Then a banana for health (#classy).
Then we leisurely made our way onto ye old dusty highway headed for Indiana, home state of Izzy Stradlin, #1 Kewl Dewd.

What cool new tales will we have for you tomorrow? Will Allyson scarf many more piles of garbage food? Will I slappa da bass so hard that one of my strings will break? Will Ben ever forgive himself for killing* Wally?
Stay tewned fwiends!


Yassur Erinfat

* killing = not ACTUALLY™ killing