Hi Fans! McDermz here! Guess what?! We bach on the road! We love blasting those B Minor cantatas whilst driving from gig to gig! Which we are currently doing right now 😀
Tuesday we flew from SFO to BUR with one of our latest additions, Corey Largent who plays male keyboards. For this southwestern stint we’ve enlisted Paul Quattrone of !!! on drums so we flew to LA for a few days of prac w him before the tour. I packed my MacGruber & Metallica (a year & a half in the life of) DVDs so you KNOW I was prepared for embarking on this hard epic road dawg 🐶 lifestyle, night after night after night after night (“tour” is 4 nights). I stopped the first practice about 30 minutes in to demand we get food (as is tradition), so we drove around the Highland Park area of the practice space in search of elusive Mexican food. We ended up at El Atacor, where HardCore (aka Corey) ordered a Super Burrito. Now super burrito means everything on it in Sam Francisco. At El Atacor it means “could you theoretically eat an entire leg?”
A very large man decked out head to toe in Raiders™ apparel overheard Corey commenting on the absurd size of his “super burrito” and said “It’s good though! I just had one!” And then went on to recommend the super nachos, to which Corey asked “Is that a ridiculously huge plate of nachos?!” His reply was “No, it’s just a regular plate of nachos, it just has everything on it.” 😑
Shockingly Corey finished almost all of it, and the Garberator™ (Allyson remember her?) stepped in and finished it. We headed back to practice for about another half hour before I insisted we break to hit the taco truck. After tacos, and a quick run through of the songs, we went back to Paul’s joint where I inquired about the snack situation. He offered to whip up some salsa which sounded just great to us (me). While he was making it I fell deeply asleep on the couch, until Corey woke me up informing me that my midnight chips & vat of salsa were ready. After a swift inhalation, I was back asleep, prepped for another day of practice.
Paul lives in Thai Town, so to avoid any snack interruptions at practice for meals I armed myself with 3 dishes of Thai food to cart around with me Linus/blanket style. Practice, snacking, & napping went swell, and we felt prepped for our big gig at the Satellite with Golden Daze & Eerie Wanda. We had a pile of friends come out, many of them fellow Canucks, which was great cause we all just wanted to talk about hockey anyways. Allyson cashed in her two alotted drink tickets, while Paul, Corey & I power chugged through ours and then some. Corey met a nice young lady earlier in the night and decided to make a move of engaging in conversation as she was settling her tab. Ubeknownst to HardCore, Allyson was watching the whole exchange from across the bar and within seconds after the young lady said goodbye and walked away, his phone lit up with a text from Al that just said “Steeeeerike!” After the gig, the choice was clear: 7-11! For snacking purposes only. And also for fun too! And for health. Allyson bought a bag of cheese popcorn, HardCore bought Fritos™ & a fluorescent pink donut w sprinkles, I bought Flamin Hot Cheetos™ & 2 Quest bars (for future health), and Paul bought a large Chex Mix & Swedish Fish (plus a thoughtful bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend at home… Aww!). All of this food (besides the Quest bars) was consumed between 7-11 and Paul’s house (a 10 minute drive). I’d classify it as a classic oink-down 🐷.
After getting a good night’s sleep we woke up fuckin SPRY. We were all super impressed with the contents of PQ’s tour fun bag he had packed us; bottle of Titos, a screwdriver, multiple forms of contraband smokable products, a knife, and limes. All but Allyson had a pep in one’s step – strangely since Al barely drank anything at the show. Once we were packed up we hit the cruel road to our gig at the Time Out Lounge in Tempe, Arizona. After about 5 minutes in the car Allyson piped up with a meek sounding “pull the car over”. Then realized she had already quietly yacked twice out the open window. Me: “Are you gonna barf?” Al: “yep”. I handed her a plastic bag, let her out if the car where she then threw up for about 5 minutes. She then neatly tied up the bag and we were back on our way. With a brief practice space stop (for Allyson, a “third spewing location” stop), we hit the road. The rough road of touring life as a musician. Things seemed to be going ok, Allyson was quietly lying down on the back seat, the rest of us gabbin, hangin, blastin tunes. We saw In n Out University and figured it was the perfect lunch spot. We pulled into the driveway and the front garbage can of the In n Out Company Store fast became Allyson’s “fourth blow chunks” locale. After the three of us polished off a fine and very affordable meal, it was back to the very mean streets of hardcore road life. The road out there is ROUGH I’ll tell you! Real rough rough stuff. You never know when, where or (even if) you’ll be getting your next snack. At one of the truck stops on the way I ran into Al in the women’s bathroom, where I noticed she was rinsing her sweatshirt out in the sink… When I inquired I was informed that the van itself had become “hurl-zone numero cinco” where she’d secretly cookie-tossed upwards of quatro times. Stealth ralphing pro, really! Ironically she’d somehow paid the puke price for the rest of us cause we all felt fine, and she’d only had two of the toppest shelf vodka sodies. 😑🍸
We got into Tempe to play our 2nd of 4 gigs, and finally Al had just started to feel better, so naturally we went to the pizza place in the strip mall we were playing and pounded garlic bread bites, jalapeño poppers, a salad (for health), & mozzarella stix (for oil). We walked into the Time Out Lounge which immediately became my favorite bar; blasting SRV style blues, multiple pool tables in use with 50+ yr old men w beer guts, it looked smoky even there was no one smoking, open carry gun toters outside the bar… cause you know, that’s necessary 😐
This was first of a few shows with heavy rockin LA Witch. They were awesome, and our set was fun, even though Corey’s male keyboard amp cut out mid set (not pro, right?!) Right after we decided to check out our strip mall surroundings so naturally we hit up the nearby (other side of the mall) Monkey Pants Bar & Grill. While walking there Corey & Paul cleverly came up with the idea to put only monkey related songs on the jukebox. The set list listed as follows:
Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters
Monkeys Theme – Monkeys
Brass Monkey – Beastie Boys
This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven – Pixies
Monkey Man – Rolling Stones
Monkey Island – 13th Floor Elevators
Monkey Time – Major Lance
This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven (again, cause Paul didn’t realize Corey played it too)
Might As Well Go for a Soda – Kim Mitchell*
U & Dat – E40
Everybody’s Got Something Hide Except me & my Monkey – Beatles
*NOT monkey related, but someone randomly interrupted our playlist with this Canadian classic… Which was mos def weird.
After our non-annoying-to-other-patrons set of music wrapped up we headed over to the Yucca Taproom upon recommendation of the show promoter. We walked across the street to another strip mall and there we were, in a fun sea of metal heads. We saw a band setting up, with somewhat elaborate lighting gear and realized we had walked in just in time for Arizona’s premier Stoner Thrash band Scattered Guts to start filming their set for their new single entitled Beer. What are the odds?!!😀 Now when a band is a self described stoner thrash band, Corey and I started wondering if it would be fast or slow?! A question for the ages… Is it a fast ass drone? Or a slow ass thrashing?! Is it an alternation between punishingly slow and brutally speedy? We were on board to find out!🎸 they started playing and they ruled. A pit broke out, people threw and spit beer, and a good ole time was had. We concluded that Scattered Guts are a thrash band with some sweet blues riffage and a stoner lifestyle. They really capped off what I can now refer to as the best day of my life. But it wasn’t over yet! We continued our night back at the hotel room, where Allyson had been slumbering post scattering her guts, while we watched a band of the same name. PQ went to bed so HardCore and I retired to the bathroom for some homemade Bloody Marys (stolen from Paul’s bag). I left the bathroom to get into my pjs, and when I reopened the bathroom door Corey was mooning me, which cracked me up to the degree of laughter I had to run into bathroom as to not wake up the sleeping beauties. The mooning happened 2 more times, everyone garnering the same reaction out of me… Which just goes to show you we do get some comic relief occasionally in this punishing lifestyle as professional music players on the harsh dark and lonely tour dog road of constant gigging. Up next, our last two gigs of our painful 4 gig run, heading Friday to Vegas, then Reno. Stay tizuned!
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