Hi Fans! McDermz here! Guess what?! We bach on the road! We love blasting those B Minor cantatas whilst driving from gig to gig! Which we are currently doing right now 😀

Tuesday we flew from SFO to BUR with one of our latest additions, Corey Largent who plays male keyboards. For this southwestern stint we’ve enlisted Paul Quattrone of !!! on drums so we flew to LA for a few days of prac w him before the tour. I packed my MacGruber & Metallica (a year & a half in the life of) DVDs so you KNOW I was prepared for embarking on this hard epic road dawg 🐶 lifestyle, night after night after night after night (“tour” is 4 nights). I stopped the first practice about 30 minutes in to demand we get food (as is tradition), so we drove around the Highland Park area of the practice space in search of elusive Mexican food. We ended up at El Atacor, where HardCore (aka Corey) ordered a Super Burrito. Now super burrito means everything on it in Sam Francisco. At El Atacor it means “could you theoretically eat an entire leg?” 

   
A very large man decked out head to toe in Raiders™ apparel overheard Corey commenting on the absurd size of his “super burrito” and said “It’s good though! I just had one!” And then went on to recommend the super nachos, to which Corey asked “Is that a ridiculously huge plate of nachos?!” His reply was “No, it’s just a regular plate of nachos, it just has everything on it.” 😑

Shockingly Corey finished almost all of it, and the Garberator™ (Allyson remember her?) stepped in and finished it. We headed back to practice for about another half hour before I insisted we break to hit the taco truck. After tacos, and a quick run through of the songs, we went back to Paul’s joint where I inquired about the snack situation. He offered to whip up some salsa which sounded just great to us (me). While he was making it I fell deeply asleep on the couch, until Corey woke me up informing me that my midnight chips & vat of salsa were ready. After a swift inhalation, I was back asleep, prepped for another day of practice. 

Paul lives in Thai Town, so to avoid any snack interruptions at practice for meals I armed myself with 3 dishes of Thai food to cart around with me Linus/blanket style. Practice, snacking, & napping went swell, and we felt prepped for our big gig at the Satellite with Golden Daze & Eerie Wanda. We had a pile of friends come out, many of them fellow Canucks, which was great cause we all just wanted to talk about hockey anyways. Allyson cashed in her two alotted drink tickets, while Paul, Corey & I power chugged through ours and then some. Corey met a nice young lady earlier in the night and decided to make a move of engaging in conversation as she was settling her tab. Ubeknownst to HardCore, Allyson was watching the whole exchange from across the bar and within seconds after the young lady said goodbye and walked away, his phone lit up with a text from Al that just said “Steeeeerike!” After the gig, the choice was clear: 7-11! For snacking purposes only. And also for fun too! And for health. Allyson bought a bag of cheese popcorn, HardCore bought Fritos™ & a fluorescent pink donut w sprinkles, I bought Flamin Hot Cheetos™ & 2 Quest bars (for future health), and Paul bought a large Chex Mix & Swedish Fish (plus a thoughtful bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend at home… Aww!). All of this food (besides the Quest bars) was consumed between 7-11 and Paul’s house (a 10 minute drive). I’d classify it as a classic oink-down 🐷.

After getting a good night’s sleep we woke up fuckin SPRY. We were all super impressed with the contents of PQ’s tour fun bag he had packed us; bottle of Titos, a screwdriver, multiple forms of contraband smokable products, a knife, and limes. All but Allyson had a pep in one’s step – strangely since Al barely drank anything at the show. Once we were packed up we hit the cruel road to our gig at the Time Out Lounge in Tempe, Arizona. After about 5 minutes in the car Allyson piped up with a meek sounding “pull the car over”. Then realized she had already quietly yacked twice out the open window. Me: “Are you gonna barf?” Al: “yep”. I handed her a plastic bag, let her out if the car where she then threw up for about 5 minutes. She then neatly tied up the bag and we were back on our way. With a brief practice space stop (for Allyson, a “third spewing location” stop), we hit the road. The rough road of touring life as a musician. Things seemed to be going ok, Allyson was quietly lying down on the back seat, the rest of us gabbin, hangin, blastin tunes. We saw In n Out University and figured it was the perfect lunch spot. We pulled into the driveway and the front garbage can of the In n Out Company Store fast became Allyson’s “fourth blow chunks” locale. After the three of us polished off a fine and very affordable meal, it was back to the very mean streets of hardcore road life. The road out there is ROUGH I’ll tell you! Real rough rough stuff. You never know when, where or (even if) you’ll be getting your next snack. At one of the truck stops on the way I ran into Al in the women’s bathroom, where I noticed she was rinsing her sweatshirt out in the sink… When I inquired I was informed that the van itself had become “hurl-zone numero cinco” where she’d secretly cookie-tossed upwards of quatro times. Stealth ralphing pro, really! Ironically she’d somehow paid the puke price for the rest of us cause we all felt fine, and she’d only had two of the toppest shelf vodka sodies. 😑🍸

We got into Tempe to play our 2nd of 4 gigs, and finally Al had just started to feel better, so naturally we went to the pizza place in the strip mall we were playing and pounded garlic bread bites, jalapeño poppers, a salad (for health), & mozzarella stix (for oil). We walked into the Time Out Lounge which immediately became my favorite bar; blasting SRV style blues, multiple pool tables in use with 50+ yr old men w beer guts, it looked smoky even there was no one smoking, open carry gun toters outside the bar… cause you know, that’s necessary 😐

This was first of a few shows with heavy rockin LA Witch. They were awesome, and our set was fun, even though Corey’s male keyboard amp cut out mid set (not pro, right?!) Right after we decided to check out our strip mall surroundings so naturally we hit up the nearby (other side of the mall) Monkey Pants Bar & Grill. While walking there Corey & Paul cleverly came up with the idea to put only monkey related songs on the jukebox. The set list listed as follows:

Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters

Monkeys Theme – Monkeys

Brass Monkey – Beastie Boys

This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven – Pixies

Monkey Man – Rolling Stones

Monkey Island – 13th Floor Elevators

Monkey Time – Major Lance

This Monkey’s Gone to Heaven (again, cause Paul didn’t realize Corey played it too)

Might As Well Go for a Soda – Kim Mitchell* 

U & Dat – E40

Everybody’s Got Something Hide Except me & my Monkey – Beatles

*NOT monkey related, but someone randomly interrupted our playlist with this Canadian classic… Which was mos def weird.
After our non-annoying-to-other-patrons set of music wrapped up we headed over to the Yucca Taproom upon recommendation of the show promoter. We walked across the street to another strip mall and there we were, in a fun sea of metal heads. We saw a band setting up, with somewhat elaborate lighting gear and realized we had walked in just in time for Arizona’s premier Stoner Thrash band Scattered Guts to start filming their set for their new single entitled Beer. What are the odds?!!😀 Now when a band is a self described stoner thrash band, Corey and I started wondering if it would be fast or slow?! A question for the ages… Is it a fast ass drone? Or a slow ass thrashing?! Is it an alternation between punishingly slow and brutally speedy? We were on board to find out!🎸 they started playing and they ruled. A pit broke out, people threw and spit beer, and a good ole time was had. We concluded that Scattered Guts are a thrash band with some sweet blues riffage and a stoner lifestyle. They really capped off what I can now refer to as the best day of my life. But it wasn’t over yet! We continued our night back at the hotel room, where Allyson had been slumbering post scattering her guts, while we watched a band of the same name. PQ went to bed so HardCore and I retired to the bathroom for some homemade Bloody Marys (stolen from Paul’s bag). I left the bathroom to get into my pjs, and when I reopened the bathroom door Corey was mooning me, which cracked me up to the degree of laughter I had to run into bathroom as to not wake up the sleeping beauties. The mooning happened 2 more times, everyone garnering the same reaction out of me… Which just goes to show you we do get some comic relief occasionally in this punishing lifestyle as professional music players on the harsh dark and lonely tour dog road of constant gigging. Up next, our last two gigs of our painful 4 gig run, heading Friday to Vegas, then Reno. Stay tizuned!   

  
 #monkeypants #scatteredguts #innoutuniversity #dirtyghosts #womeninrock #malekeyboards #coreylargent #dermztermz #scatteredguts #stonerthrash #beer #overeating #salsa #paulquattrone #meninrock #lifeontheroad #roaddawg 
 

Friends, family, fans, stalkers and accidental subscribers… Welcome back! It’s (Staind voice) BEEN A WHILE since we’ve forced the minutiae of our lives onto you, so here we go onward with the shocking conclusion to 2015’s DG “No Refunds” US Tour. If there’s one thing the world needs more of, it’s the stories and opinions of non-professionals online.

 Après Denton we had a drive day with the goal of landing in El Paso for the night. En route I texted my good pal CC that we were heading to his hometown, and, like the great friend that he is, he offered up his parents’ place to stay for the night. His Mom called me a few minutes later to ask what time we were getting in… and what everyone would like to eat! SO NICE. We were getting in late but she said not to worry, and not to eat because she was preparing us a big dinner… Exciting!! We got in around 10pm to a MASSIVE spread of homemade cooking, leading to 10 high-octane minutes of feasting followed by near-instant sleep. As the tour had wreaked havoc on out workout schedules, we woke up the next morning early, got our gym clothes on, and went for an epic LOTR-level workout run. Braving intense heat from the scorching Texican sun, we set out, not knowing what hardships the journey would force us to endure. Ten minutes (and 12.5 combined jumping jacks) later we were back in the kitchen scarfing down leftovers. We had some time to kill so Allyson threw on her favorite reality show “Vanderpump Rules”, which we learned quickly is a documentary about the end of civilization, with a cast of garbage-humans fucking their way into all sorts of tender situations. Essentially a West Coast Jersey Shore based in a restaurant, but without the convoluted plot lines or respectable cast. Like if you found Snooki too elegant, or The Situation too Presidential, this’d be the show for you. 

 Next drive was to Phoenix to play the Valley Bar. We played a lively gig, and, as travel exhaustion was beginning to seep in, headed quickly after to our home away from home, the Holiday Inn Express. This was Renée’s last night on tour with us so we hit the very empty hotel bar. There was a modern Internet-fed jukebox so Allyson kicked off the night with a everyone’s go-to Prince track… Batdance. Winner of 1989 Grammy for Best Batsong. The obvious first choice when you have EVERY SONG EVER at your disposal. This, coupled with some creeping tour dementia, led to communication only through giggling (including to the bad-joke-telling bartender) until bed. 

 Then off to Los Angeles, home of all celebrities ever. Find me a legit celeb who lives anywhere else and I will eat my hat (insert stock photo of nacho hat). Got in early enough for a quick round of #health at Forage and some solid Silverlake wandering. After a round of cosmetic reductions and enhancements, we were ready to head over to the magically nautical (though decidedly non-Vanderpumpian) Redwood Bar for the final gig o’ tour. Tons of friends came out to hang and a million drinks and laughs were had. Hatches were battened down (let’s go ahead and assume that the term makes sense in this context) as Maniac closed out the night with a killer hand-injured punk set. Dear hoser bud Stephen “Gord” McBean guided us around town post-gig, landing eventually at his sweet pad for literary discussion, poetry reading, and silent meditation. We woke up the next morning with hangovers and a desire to gloss over the fact that we spent the whole previous night chugging booze with max force. 

 So that’s it. I’m sure there were several valuable life lessons learned, but we’re all a bit fried from long drives and Olympic-level food intake so brain no good now. Thank god we’ve got a nice long break between now and the next tr… Ewwwwww boy.

XOXO Your DG Fwiends in Food we Twust,

McD, Bakerstein, & Zynskz*

*a special thanks to Zynskz for his help with this last blog post and for almost dying on tour via food rammage.

    
COMING SOON – DG “Pas De Remboursement” EURO TOUR 2015 – LE SNACKENING

New Orleans, early show at Siberia on a Thursday! Before getting to the gig we popped into The Boot, a bar by the Tulane campus where Andrew & Renée picked up some crepes; a chantilly, strawberry with whipped cream plus a bacon and Nutella one. Good thing because as soon as we got to Siberia they fed us plates of their delicious perogies, salads & stroganoff. Nick introduced our set, but he sadly opted out on using his regionally focused joke that he was “exTREMEly happy to be here.” Then it was time to hit the town. Bourbon St town! Home of the Sazerac, Daquiri buffets, Zydeco, Mardi Gras bead toting hunchbacks, the three Vs: voyeurism/voodoo/vomit, and death place of Johnny Thunders, who passed away tragically during a rigorous workout on his hotel’s treadmill. We got some big gulp street walkin daquiris wherein 4 out of the 5 of us immediately got either brain or esophagus freeze. We waded through thousands upon thousands of Midwestern tourists, four locals and one stripper who lived two towns over. Andrew and Al decided to go home early but not before one last picture of Al surrounded by the masses. As Andrew set up the shot, a friendly entrepreneur quickly interrupted and jammed an oversized sign into Allyson’s hand for the pic – a gesture which turned out, much like freedom, not to be free. A buck o’ five later they made their way back to our hotel. Renée, Flanagan and I decided to continue on in le Quarter. After a nice cocktail at LaFitte’s we were walking home when we noticed a 24 hour Chinese reflexology massage spot. Tired from the intense walking and hurricane pounding we figured a 30minute  massage at 1am was the perfect end to our night. It was really perfect until we were all paid up, and I went outside to see Nick & Renée beside a large glossy pool of red daquiri dappled with chewed pizza. Coincidentally items that Nick had consumed earlier. Who knew Nick was such a dainty upchucker? Hotel time & sleep.

Up next we are off to Texas to play shows in Austin & Denton. Got to Hotel Vegas, unloaded and walked down to Liberty Bar to visit my pal Mike Sanchez who was bartending during the Jays game. My aunt & uncle who live in Austin popped in along with our friend Johnny and now the bar was infested with maple syrup chuggin Canadians! Back at Hotel Vegas we set up and again Nick introduced us, talking Texas Toast, dazzling the audience with his signature & much loved regionally based jokes. We played a fun set to a pile of our Austin friends. Post set I got into a lively & involved conversation with my friends Eyad and Johnny (likely Rush related), when what I’m assuming was a Juilliard Professor on sabbatical inserted himself into the gabs. Focusing on me he offered a one sentence compliment (“great set”) followed by the words, “can I offer you some constructive criticism?”. And of course, this coming from an interrupting stranger, I was all ears! I asked if he thought I should be slapping more. He said no, and that my picking style included too many up strokes, which was throwing off our drummer’s interest level while playing on stage. I’m not sure why he said that as Andrew only took two calls and sent out 8 texts from stage during our 23 minute set. Johnny and Eyad could only agree prompting me to call my bass teacher for a late night pep talk. Les told me that with only a few more lessons I’d be “back onstage sailing the seas of cheese!”. That really cheered up this here slappatista!! We headed back to Johnny & Erin’s sweet pad nearby to kick it and get some rest. We were all happy to meet their three pups Daisy, Mayor McCheese & Lolita. Daisy claimed me as her pillow and we snuggled all night. The next day we all did our own thing hanging with our Austin friends & fam before heading to our gig Saturday in Denton. Renée, Andrew, Nick, Johnny and their friends Dan & Ray went to Joe’s Bakery for lunch. Due to their general disheveled look and faint smell of alcohol (cause tequila sweats) they were assumed to be a band which garnered them a free basket of cookies after their meal! Yay food! We gathered ourselves and headed off to the next gig. We played a fun set at Rubber Gloves in Denton where to our surprise, two Scottish fans that had been at our New Orleans gig showed up. The happy hour bartender turned out to have been the singer of Denton’s Slobberbone – fun fact! Notably (to maybe only us) they had a drink special called The Norm MacDonald (Molson Ex & a shot of Jameson, neither of which he drinks). We stayed the night nearby at a Homewood Suites where we fell asleep to L&O: Criminal Intent – cause only option. Andrew & Renée woke early for the continental breakfast. From her perch at the waffle maker Renée noticed a basketball court onsite. Taking her State of Texas shaped waffle with her, she dragged Andrew to the basketball court for a wheezing game of HORSE… Which was immediately shortened down to a short game of PIG. We had a long drive day ahead of us, getting chauffeured by Renée to spend the night in El Paso, TX… Which we just couldn’t El Pass up! Stay tuned!

Xo Xo

Upstrokes McSlappe

Picture it! Cleveland, October 2015… Beachland Ballroom. A venue that all DG members have played previously in different outfits. Also in different bands. The last time I had played there was 2007, I wore a white tuxedo and was playing guitar for Top Ten – a show that the owner Mark Leddy actually™ remembered when we were chatting at the bar upon load in. Andrew had been playing with Quest for Fire back in 2011, he had been wearing his classic and unique look of: jeans & tee shirt. Allyson’s last outfit she’d worn onstage there was in the year of 2005, while she was playing in the dream catching boogie rock ensemble Parchman Farm. The outfit consisted of a loofah necklace, Native American headdress, crystal encrusted slacks, and a fringe vest worn barefoot on a portable piece of organic grass which she toted from gig to shaman festival to apothecary in-store shows. We were greeted this time with a delicious welcoming meal consisting of a mountain of fried chicken, a platter of mashed potatoes, salad & for me a home made veggie burger. Behaving like we hadn’t eaten food before, we wolfed our meals swiftly. My good friend Carol greeted us post food-annihilation we caught up throroughly. We opened for Cleveland legend Bim’s band Obnox, who were encroyable (that’s French for soooooo great). We stayed with our pal Mark at his killer pad on Lake Erie, ending the night at 4:20 with tequila and some late night gabs. After I failed to steal Allysons sleeping bag and teddy bear stuffed toy (for comfort), we slept. At the fresh faced hour of 8am Andrew was up and at them, waking both Al & I to get ready to hit the road in what can only be described as… Disrupting & irritating. 

Once loaded up in the car we were off to the beloved and 7 hour away city of Nashville, TN: yodeling mecca & Moon Pie capital. You may remember it as the iconic filming locale for the Oscar sweeping biopic Country Strong. First stop was the Family Wash, world’s yummiest Shepherd’s Pie specializing restaurant. Our fellow Law & Order loving & great pal Ben Swank made the reservations, joining us was our newly returning-to-tour Mom Renée, as well as Ben & Melissa Blackwell with baby Violet in tow. Each of us devoured our personal sized orders of Shepherd’s Pie, appetizers, beer, tequila & vodka. Since we were all very full and dining next to Bolton’s Spicy Chicken & Fish (post meal yet pre bill paying) Andrew and Renée darted next door for what was warned to them by locals as a dangerous food option. They ordered two fried chicken skewers, one medium and one hot. We had to book it to our show at The End, so en route in the dark van, the two snacksperts dove optimistically into the medium heat skewer of the firespice-dusted chicken. The next sounds we heard were moans, cries, whimpers, hysterical laughter, wailing with a splash of shrieking. When we got out of the van they both realized that they had unknowingly been supplied with the crucial spice extinguishers, bread & ranch dressing, but since they had been eating in the dark they hadn’t noticed. After consuming these and waiting a few minutes they moved on to the hot one. They didn’t get too far on that one as they felt like their facial skin cells were being burned off. Renée accidentally touched her eye before washing her hands post spice dust which left her teared up crying & regretting… Yet still addicted to the chicken so she & Andrew kept going back to the van to eat more while loading into the club. The sad ending to this food risk was that Renée threw the much uneaten hot skewer into two different dumpsters, mob style, to protect both her & Andrew from anymore of it. Both my friend Jemina and Andrew asked repeatedly where the discarded chicken had ended up, strong implication that the dumpster fact didn’t really faze them from still wanting to eat it?!! Our friends & label mates Hans Condor headlined & organized the show fresh off their tour of Japan. Openers Helado Negro opened with a crazy and mesmerizing set which included two Twin Peaks-esque tinsel encased beings dancing slowly on either side of the lead singer, a real treat! We played a fun set to our Nashvillian pals and watched the insanely revved up and debaucherous Hans Condor set. What a fun and fulfilling tour stop! The next day we stopped by to visit our pals The Bens (Swank & Blackwell) & Chet Weise at Third Man Records downtown. Blackwell provided us with an entertaining and Stooges heavy tour of the premises, and hooked us up with a pile of vinyl and shwag… Including my now most prized possession, my Kid Rock VIP laminate for a party later that evening. No visit to any town would be complete without multiple food stops so we went to my fave hot dog joint Hot Diggity Dogs around the corner from Third Man. Chet, Al n I got the veggie dogs (lettuce buns for me & Al… for health), deep fried pickle spears, onion rings (also for health), both Renée & Andrew got the chili cheese fries (health),  and meat dog or four. Then we hit up my all time fave coffee joint Crema to jack ourselves up! On our way out of town we peeped local band The Ettes’ store Fond Object – a super kewl store store selling handmade clothes, vintage clothes, records, bric-a-brac and also doubles as a fully functioning venue and out door movie space. But maybe the best part is the petting zoo featuring two goats and Dottie the piggy! Sadly we had to leave Nashville for Memphis, which meant the heartbreaking reality that I wasn’t going to the Kid Rock VIP party I had recently acquired a badge for, but that’s okay cause I just KNEW Memphis would be poppin for our show on a Wednesday night!

Our old comedian friend Nick Flanagan flew in to meet us for a few days, starting in Memphis… Woohoo! We rolled into the venue around 7pm and as we were the only band on the bill and had never played Memphis before we were eager with anticipation to see how this show would pan out, seeing as it is such a musical hotbed. We tripped over a few tumbleweeds while loading our gear into the venue, and since the sound of crickets was deafening we split to nearby Central BBQ for some pigging out BBQ! The band ordered a full rack of ribs, pulled pork, brisket, turkey & some veggie sides (for health). I got the portobello sandwich, which oddly took 20 mins longer than the previously mentioned extensive BBQ meal (assuming because mushroom still needed to be foraged). 

Back to the club, the crickets had been joined by five chainsmoking regulars watching a Back to the Future marathon, a festive scene. Since it seemed disruptive to impose our 2015 style of futuristic hoverboard rock on this lively batch of chimneys, we opted to repack our van with the unplayed gear and return to the safe confines of our creepy Elvis themed hotel. After a swift precise strike on our organic cheese and artisanal cracker supply we crashed.

That brings us today… We performed an early morning round up of Stax of Snax™, heartbreakingly said goodbye to our hotel, walked the line out to our van  off to New Orleans, where in my opinionation the sun is gonna surely shine. Plus we hear there is a house there. Playin Siberia tonight with friends to be local bands. Iko Iko!!!

Toronto, Ontario. Aka T Dot, aka 6IX, aka the T Dizzle, aka Turonno… Home to the Baker family, Andrew Mosinski (aka the Zinsk) and Snow (aka Informer)! First stop, the Baker household of Forest Hill & a swift pillaging of the infamous “snack drawer” (see photo & previous Toronto blog posts to read up on this glorious food heaven). Upon arrival show at the Hoxton we were greeted by our old pal Ewan Exall as well as our friends & families. This was Teddy’s last night on the road with us and he really arffed it up with all the bands in the green room – most definitely the most popular (only) dog in the venue that evening! 🐶! Afterwards I took off with my Dad and some friends to our pal Katie’s awesome bar in Kensington, Thirsty & Miserable. After a severe, heavy & loud April Wine listening session coupled with a fine smorgasvein of brews, twas time for bed. 
Off to Canada’s capital, and my hometown, Ottawa! We played a fun in store show at The Record Center, where we succeeded in making at least one infant cry with our brand of music & volume (woohoo!). Allyson and I split off to do an interview at the CBC where we scoured the joint for free shwag but left sadly… Without even a mug! Or any heavily-discounted Ghomeshi merch… Which turns out is a good thing! While Al n I were interviewed, Renée & Andrew frolicked off to the market for some Beavertails™… Cause up next was dinner! The four of us made our way to So Good in Chinatown for one of my favorite meals of all time… 2 orders of Wu Se vegetables, salt & pepper tofu, deep fried sweetheart eggplants, hot & sour soup, coupled with some meat dishes of Singapore style vermicelli & an entire steamed halibut. We had to order so much as we were a total of FOUR people. A classic happy stomach ache later we arrived at our gig at the Dominion Tavern, conveniently located beside a poutine truck (it’s called strategic meal plan gigging -SMPG… We wrote the book on it). Our bud Dave Aardvark put on a fun show for us, old friends & family came oot and then it was time for a food coma to set in for the noyte. (Zzzzz 😴)

After dropping off my big boy Ted-Dawg at my Mom’s place it was time to head back to the US of F-n A!! We drove to the nearby town of Ogdensburg New York to do some essentials shopping at Walmart with my Mom, and for a farewell coffee & Timbits™ box at the bizarro-world of what is known as an American Tim Horton’s franchise.  

We rolled into our first of six NYC gigs at Passenger Bar Wednesday night. Turns out New York is a pretty happening spot! Al & I stayed with her brother in Chelsea, whereas Andrew embarked on a multi-pronged attack on the city’s pizzerias (including a 24 hr stretch featuring, but not limited to, 5 different pizza stops). Our great old buddy Eric Davidson showed up for a few of our gigs and an interview, we played 3 shows with fellow Canuck(s) Michael Rault, learned about the fine art of shirtless bartending @ Lady Jay’s, oh and had the best time of all time with Spag, Eric & Handsome Dick Manitoba at Manitoba’s on Avenue B… As is tradition. Our friend Esther noticed that we’ve been withering away on tour so she baked us a loaf of banana bread… Which quickly became our beloved fourth band member on stage. Before we ate him. On our way out of town we hit the Donut Plant where we purchased FIVE donuts. No regets… No refunds… Zero health.  There’s a REASON why CJ wrote a song about the city… Aptly titled New York City!

Off to Philadelphia, one of our funnest stops so far! We played a day show at Beautiful World Syndicate with the Cave Women & the Residuels… Both great Philly bands. In the audience was fellow Toronto legend Freddy Pompeii of the Viletones… Noyce. Quick stop at Geno’s & Pat’s for food blitz unnecessarity, then we went to our hotel. Later on we had some margs (that’s a time saving abbreve for  margaritas), some chips, multiple salsas, then some zzzz’s! And that’s a wrap Philly! (Note: wrap, not cheesesteak).
Cleveland be next stop… More on that in our next blog post! 😀

Ok, now we reach the Midwest  portion of our tour… Where, as Andrew says, his “blood became replaced with butter” & “everybody’s face looks like it’s off of a wanted poster.”

En route to Lawrence to keep up with said oil based pace we immediately embarked upon what we could only term “The Snackening”. It “began” with my purchase of a Canada inspired snack  of All Dressed Ruffles (3rd bag of potato chips that day to enter van) and “continued” with me finding Andrew & Allyson annihilating a piece of fried chicken made by one of the finest chefs in the land, the gas station attendant, aka the “birdista”. Rolling into the Replay Lounge about 20 mins later, first stop clearly had to be ice cream (cause calories). We shared a satisfying large cone-buckling cone of “Epic Mint” – (mint ice cream with chocolate chips, brownies & cookie dough). Feeling great & unrepentant after this we proceeded to the club to play. Opening was Mr & the Mrs. At a dangerously sober juncture midset their drummer stopped playing (while the guitarist continued) to urgently run to the bar and order herself a shot of Jameson, slammed it, then went back to performing. Classic move… We all noted it duly!! 

Moving along, next stop was Chicago. Andrew ate three burgers that day (varying quality) from McDonald’s to Culver’s to the Empty Bottle – all unavoidable. Our tour mom Renée got into town that eve where she reunited with her high school boyfriend at our show. After a 25 year gap they discovered a new found common ground… That they are both gay! They both said bye to their teams! Also classic. To counteract the gas station heavy heat lamp diet we all stayed at Renée’s hotel downtown where a necessary “Brie-down” happened at the cool hungry hour of 3am. Five artisinal cheeses later (featuring truffles & $8 crackers) we slumbered. Andrew’s sleeping & wheezing “brie-thing” now a mild concern. Before we left town we went to Pequod’s for some crazy ass panned ‘za which can only be described as “a fleurry of waist-doublage”. 

Next up Detrizzle. So many poor van food choices later (eating the recently acquired leftovers) we arrived at the Lager House. My dog Teddy was pretty pumped to happily run around the Robocopian landscape surrounding the venue, wherein he made many a friend via his adorability! We had a pretty fun set where we had yet another encounter with the sound guy (see old Detroit blog entry) in which Allyson got shocked by the mic first syllable of first song… Thought she was bleeding due to the blue sparks! So she had that going for her. Then there was an on stage debate about whether or not Andrew should turn his drums around and play facing the wall Blair Witch style because they were too loud 🙂 Needless to say the mood was (in)tense(ly laughable)!

Now we’re crankin up the April Vino (that’s Italian for Wine), lighting the patio lanterns, Rollin a bone or deux & we’re gonna go for a soda now that we’ve entered Canada, our home and native land… Beauty eh!?

XO McD